eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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