saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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