Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
