Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
