don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
