I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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