ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
