: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
