Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
