Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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