I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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