This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he thought i was a dude.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
