Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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