I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
