Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
