i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
