i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
