i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
