i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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