get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
