She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
