who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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