Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
