they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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