nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
