Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
