Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
