it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
