Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
