Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
