My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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