Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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