This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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