Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
