Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
