Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
