Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
