So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dicks are not precious.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
