How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
