i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
