So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
