i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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