If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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