there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
