Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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