i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
