these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
