i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
