Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
