So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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